Orientation and approach

My approach to counseling draws on the theory of attachment, which offers persuasive insight into human behavior from infancy to adulthood. Attachment theory explains how caregiving relationships across the lifespan shape and influence our experiences of the world, ourselves, and other human beings.

Fundamentally humane, attachment theory views all human behavior, healthy and unhealthy, as at least initially adaptive–that is, representing an attempt to find a solution to some developmental challenge.  It also views this behavior as part of the common human condition.  At the same time, attachment theory is highly rational, and is grounded in empirical investigation of observable behavior, even if those behaviors are ultimately most significant for their revelations about powerful underlying emotions.

The challenge of working with attachment is to translate theory into practice. My personal version integrates four principles of human experience (the order is not important, because they are inter-related and mutually dependent.)

Relationships

I believe that our human development and behavior is largely a reflection of the close relationships that we have with others (whether in our personal lives or in a therapeutic context). While we must take age-appropriate responsibility for our own actions, we operate at our best advantage when we enjoy supportive relationships that help us make sense of the emotions behind our present actions. Furthermore, when we seek to improve our actions, we find the best results when we have others to support us and offer context for our efforts.

Learning

I believe that human beings have enormous capacity for learning, and that areas of difficulty in life represent not disorders or character faults, but instead opportunities for learning better ways to live.  In turn, these opportunities to improve our feeling, thinking, and relating offer a means to enact another fundamental human drive: to live happier, more fulfilling lives. And because we learn from others, we require the ability to pay good attention if we are to learn whatever others have to teach.

Attention

I believe that one of the most important things human beings have to learn is the ability to pay high-quality attention, including to the world around us, to ourselves, and to others. Whether we call these skills awareness, sensitivity, empathy, mindfulness, or “being tuned in,” it comes down to the ability to select and make good use of the vital, essential bits floating past in the sea of information around us. Only with good attention can we notice and act on the potential value both in our own emotions and in other human beings.

Emotion

I believe that emotions are the most important building blocks of human behavior, and that we must take the power of inner emotions fully into account when we attempt to accomplish changes that are visible on our outsides.  Because emotions are so powerful and fleeting, acquiring the ability to work with them requires that we learn skills for paying excellent attention–which in turn is greatly facilitated by therapeutic and other close relationships.